Everyone’s journey is markedly different when it comes to achieving their goals. I have found that everyone is capable of achieving well beyond what they can imagine at the starting line. Without making generalizations about each person’s unique journey, I will say some paths are much simpler than others. With some clients all we need to do is get clarity on their goals through reflective listening sessions, set smart goals, and develop healthy communications and accountability relationships.  Before you know it they are on their way.  There is another group of clients in which I would have fallen.  For this group of clients goal setting just creates additional stresses in varying degrees which slows them down. I have developed a process for this group that allows them to achieve similar results in the end without all of the stress and pain associated with their past attempts.  This process was learned first hand, because major goal setting for me used to end up in one step forward and three steps back.   

I have found that it is pretty consistent across the board, that when we set out to achieve something worth achieving our mind will immediately attempt to keep us from doing the things we need to do. Next time you need to do something difficult, notice how your mind will try to keep you from making yourself uncomfortable. You don’t willingly think those thoughts, they just come up.  This is what happens to a night-owl with an early sounding alarm clock.  Many people come to identify with the thoughts that they are lazy rather than letting them go.  The truth is that those thoughts are just a piece of evolutionary biology built into your brain.  It is your unconscious trying to keep you safe, because it can’t tell the difference between stress created by goals, and stress created by a saber-toothed tiger chasing you.

If you are like me, and find yourself in the group for whom goal setting just adds stress to your life, here are some practical things you can change up in your goals achievement process.  Most success programs start with setting and visualizing specific, measurable, achievable, and time bound goals. Then they jump right to checking off tasks.  During the process of goal achievement self-improvement occurs. We are going to take similar steps, we are just going to change the order of operations a bit, and add a small step near the beginning.  This method begins with writing down your goals. Just like most other success programs, I recommend visualizing and writing down what these goals will mean for your life. For the time being we aren’t going to put any time limits on these goals, or fret over how achievable they will be for us.  All we need to know at this point is what we want, and what we think this will mean for our lives.

The next step is to think through one of these big goals, then write down some activities that you know you will need to do to achieve it.  Take the first activity on the list and set a time to get started on it.  Before you start the task, relax and take a couple of deep breaths. As you start to work on the activity, notice the thoughts that start to come up.  You will likely start thinking about how hard it is going to be, or worrying about the outcome.  Whatever thoughts you have just observe them without adding any more thought to them, take a deep breath and return to the task at hand.  When you are done or stop doing that task for the time being, go back and think about the thoughts that you had.  Think about whether or not you willingly brought them up, or they just surfaced.  As you do this you will notice, that those thoughts are not you and they don’t say anything about you.  They may say something about the past, but that also doesn’t say anything about you.  Repeat this process for all the tasks you will need to complete.  When you do the tasks, do them like experiments paying attention to what thoughts come up, but not giving in to thinking any more about them while you are doing the tasks.  Remember when they come up, and if you get discouraged, just take a couple of deep breaths, and go back to doing the tasks.  Do them like they have something to tell you, because they do.  Doing things this way will achieve two things.  It will cause  you to realize that you aren’t whatever thoughts that come up, and it will cause you to be more aware of your thoughts, rather than reacting to them.   The other huge benefit comes from the practice you will get achieving those goals, which leads to the benefits of practice. 

Have you ever driven somewhere, and you were so deep in thought that when you arrived at your destination, you didn’t even remember driving there?  You are a well practiced driver, and when you were otherwise distracted, your unconscious mind just drove you there without incident.  This practice works the same way.  If you focus on getting better at the tasks, instead of worrying about the outcome or possibilities you will begin to develop brain and muscle memory.  At that point your unconscious will do most of the heavy lifting for you.  The key here is to practice, and become aware of your thoughts, realizing that they don’t say anything about you. 

Once you have plenty of practice, and aren’t so bothered by your discomfort, it is time to put a deadline on your goals and tasks.  Once you do that you will be able to move through the process.  Another practice that will help you immensely is a consistent mindfulness practice, which I have written about here. 

There is so much more helpful information than the scope of this blog post, and if you try this and just want a little instruction, you can receive a free thirty minute coaching session here.