I always chuckle when I hear a CEO or any other successful person proclaim they are self made. While they may have lead the effort, the amount of work they did themselves is a tiny fraction of all the work that was done to get them where they are. In the same way you are going to need other people in your journey. People like life coaches, and those that will love you and support your journey to a better life. When I started my journey I didn’t really have either. I did eventually get a life a coach who helped me to get the ball rolling. That was the real beginning of my forward momentum. If you look in the right margin of the bapcinco.com home page, you will see two of the things that my life coach introduced me to. Mindfulness, and Green Time were both tools that helped me to get to where I am today. If you are in a position where you can’t afford coaching, look for someone around you to share your journey with. Someone who will support you in your efforts and hold you accountable. Make sure they are really a positive person who has your best interests in mind. This process might take bit, but you will be surprised who might step up to help you out. A lot of clients think a life coach is going to somehow make their journey easy or be able to do things for them. A life coach is there more than anything to guide you in coming to the conclusions that will move you forward. In the end of the first post in the Foundations series, I talked about “knowing what you are up to”. There are reasons that you act the way you do, and for the most part we are all a bit clueless about what we really up to and why. A good certified life coach will listen closely to you and help you uncover the unseen motivations, and traumas that impact you. Once you know what is impacting you, your coach can then help you to put together a plan for overcoming your challenges. Do a Google search in your area for ADHD life coaches, and counselors. Try to find someone with reviews and high satisfactions scores. I know she has quite a lot going on, but Casey Dixon was tremendous help in getting me headed in the right direction. As you begin the process of finding someone to help support your efforts, get a piece of paper or a word processor and start thinking about and writing down what you are looking for a life coach to help you with. If you have goals and you haven’t written them down, do that too. There is some power in putting your goals on paper. Once you know you really want to change, and you have someone to help keep you accountable, the progress will begin. I am so convinced of the value of coaching, I am currently working through a life coaching certification myself.
Do you believe you have what it takes to drive your life in a positive direction? I didn’t know I had ADHD until later in life, but I always knew there was something different about me. It made me feel insecure and inadequate. Starting at a very early age I would lie about things, and do anything I could to make myself look like I was better than I thought myself to be. I was desperate to fit in to my world, but the harder I tried the worse things became. My impulsiveness would erupt at the worse times, and this cause a lot of criticism and anger to come my way. I wasn’t a good student. I was broken on the inside. With every year that passed, I became more desperate to fit in. I found some reprieve in my teenage years by hanging out with the smokers, and other people living outside of high school popularity. This lead me to alcohol and eventually drugs. When I was sixteen years old I tried to get a job at a local grocery store chain, but couldn’t pass the cashier’s basic math test required to be a cashier. There were however occasional glimmers of hope left in me. The first was the church where my mom attended. That was one of the only places I felt cared for and appreciated. The second came when I was about fifteen years old, I worked for a doctor taking care of the grass around his home and practice. They lived in a very large very nice home. The doctors sons were a little younger than me and their daughter was about the same age. It might have been misguided, but I perceived them to have wealth, and somehow I was holding out hope that I could have that as well. In addition they were fairly friendly and we talked on a regular basis. They didn’t know my situation at school, so it was some place I could be myself. The more negative earlier experiences in life persisted well into adulthood. There are still things I struggle with today. I shared these experiences with you because, once I discovered the other foundations I will share with you in upcoming posts, my life started to change. When I look back now, I see that my outcomes were first a result of my beliefs, and second that my beliefs influenced my actions which lead to many of the negative consequences. Today I am a fairly successful technology professional. I have been married for twenty eight years and am in a great place. The goal of bapcinco.com for me is to simply pay forward the blessings that I have experienced, and was blessed enough to come by.
Whether the situations you deal with are better or worse than the picture I painted above, you are enough. This is going to be simple, but it won’t be easy. The catalyst for change is to build better thoughts, discover truths, and act on those. The tough part is discovering “what you are up to, and why”. A lot of people think they know exactly what they are doing and why. If there is one thing I have learned, it is only the deluded who believe they know exactly, what they are up to, and why. There are so many external influences in your life, that you may never perceive. In the coming weeks and months you will learn a little more about that, and that is the primary pillar on which you will build your foundation.